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Are Mormons Gay-Haters?
By AllAboutMormons.com Webmaster - 11/8/2008After the passage of proposition eight in California, the LDS (Mormon) Church has been the target of ongoing accusations of bigotry and gay hating. Mormons counter that in working to pass proposition eight, they did not wish to demean or belittle gays but only wanted to preserve the traditional definition of marriage. So who is right? Are Mormons “gay haters” or simply concerned, as they claim, that redefining marriage will have negative effects on society as a whole? Consider these statements made by Church leaders in the recent years prior to proposition eight. Judge for yourselves whether Mormons hate gays or simply favor preserving the traditional definition of marriage.
How should members of the Church treat homosexuals?
- “We are asked to be kinder with one another, more gentle and forgiving. We are asked to be slower to anger and more prompt to help. We are asked to extend the hand of friendship…to be true disciples of Christ, to love one another with genuine compassion, for that is the way Christ loved us.” (“Same-Gender Attraction,” Elder Dallin H. Oaks, quoting the First Presidency and referring to those with homosexual tendencies, 1996)
- “Our doctrines obviously condemn those who engage in so-called 'gay bashing'-physical or verbal attacks on persons thought to be involved in homosexual or lesbian behavior.” (“Same-Gender Attraction,” Elder Dallin H. Oaks, 1996)
- “We should extend compassion to persons who suffer from ill health, including those who are infected with HIV or who are ill with AIDS…We should encourage such persons to participate in the activities of the Church.” (“Same-Gender Attraction,” Elder Dallin H. Oaks, 1996)
- “All should understand that persons...struggling with the burden of same-sex attraction are in special need of the love and encouragement that is a clear responsibility of Church members, who have signified by covenant their willingness 'to bear one another's burdens' … 'and so fulfill the law of Christ'...” (“Same-Gender Attraction,” Elder Dallin H. Oaks, 1996)
- “When our actions or words discourage someone from taking full advantage of Church membership, we fail them-and the Lord. The Church is made stronger as we include every member and strengthen one another in service and love.” (“Helping Those who Struggle with Same-Gender Attraction,” Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, 2007)
- “No member of the Church should ever be intolerant. As you show love and kindness to others, you give them an opportunity to change their attitudes and follow Christ more fully.” (“God Loveth His Children,” 2007)
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- “I'd begin by recognizing the courage that brought your son, daughter, sibling, or friend to you. I'd recognize the trust that person has extended. Discussing the issue with someone of trust is a healthy first step to dealing with confusing feelings, and it is imperative that these first steps be met with compassion…No one, including the one struggling, should try to shoulder blame. Nor should anyone place blame on another-including God… Above all, keep your lines of communication open. Open communication between parents and children is a clear expression of love, and pure love, generously expressed, can transform family ties…” (“Helping Those who Struggle with Same-Gender Attraction,” Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, 2007)
- “[I would say] you're my son. You will always be my son, and I'll always be there to help you.” (Interview with Elder Dallin H. Oaks)
- “We encourage Church leaders and members to reach out with love and understanding to those struggling with these issues. Many will respond to Christlike love and inspired counsel as they receive an invitation to come back and apply the atoning and healing power of the Savior.” (First Presidency, 1991)
- “Church leaders are sometimes asked whether there is any place in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for persons with homosexual or lesbian susceptibilities or feelings. Of course there is. The degree of difficulty and the pattern necessary to forgo behavior and to control thoughts will be different with different individuals, but the message of hope and the hand of fellowship offered by the Church is the same for all who strive.” (“Same-Gender Attraction,” Elder Dallin H. Oaks, 1996)
- “We do not reject you. We cannot reject you, for you are the sons and daughters of God. We will not reject you, because we love you.” (“Ye Are the Temple of God,” Elder Boyd K. Packer, 2001)
- "…we love them as sons and daughters of God. They may have certain inclinations which are powerful and which may be difficult to control…” (President Hinckley, 1998)
- “We of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints reach out with understanding and respect for individuals who are attracted to those of the same gender…” (First Presidency Statement)
- Referring to a homosexual man who chose to stay in the Church: “I weep with admiration and respect at the faith and courage of such a man who is living with a challenge I have never faced. I love him and the thousands like him, male or female, who 'fight the good fight.' I commend his attitude to all who struggle with…same-gender attraction.” (“Helping Those who Struggle with Same-Gender Attraction,” Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, 2007)
- “You are a precious son or daughter of God. He not only knows your name; He knows you. His love for you is individual.” (“God Loveth His Children,” 2007)
- “No one is, or ever could be, excluded from the circle of God's love or the extended arms of His Church, for we are all His beloved sons and daughters.” (“God Loveth His Children,” 2007)
- Mormons do not teach that homosexuals will go to hell. (“Same-Gender Attraction,” Elder Dallin H. Oaks, 1996)
- “Some kinds of feelings seem to be inborn. Others are traceable to mortal experiences. Still other feelings seem to be acquired from a complex interaction of 'nature and nurture.' All of us have some feelings we did not choose…Perhaps such susceptibilities are inborn or acquired without personal choice or fault…” (“Same-Gender Attraction,” Elder Dallin H. Oaks, 1996)
- “We hope that now and in the future all parties involved in this issue will… act in a spirit of mutual respect and civility toward those with a different position. No one on any side of the question should be vilified, intimidated, harassed or subject to erroneous information.” (Official Church Statement, 2008)
- “The Church's opposition to same-sex marriage neither constitutes nor condones any kind of hostility towards homosexual men and women. Protecting marriage between a man and a woman does not affect Church members' Christian obligations of love, kindness and humanity toward all people.” (Official Church Statement, 2008)
- “As Church members decide their own appropriate level of involvement…they should approach this issue with respect for others, understanding, honesty, and civility.” (Official Church Statement, 2008)
- “…our opposition to attempts to legalize same-sex marriage should never be interpreted as justification for hatred, intolerance, or abuse of those who profess homosexual tendencies, either individually or as a group…our hearts reach out to those who refer to themselves as gays and lesbians. We love and honor them as sons and daughters of God. They are welcome in the Church. It is expected, however, that they follow the same God-given rules of conduct that apply to everyone else, whether single or married.” (“Why We do Some of the Things We Do,” President Gordon B. Hinckley, 1999)
- “The Church does not object to rights for same-sex couples regarding hospitalization and medical care, fair housing and employment rights, or probate rights…”(Official Church Statement, 2008)
Update: Just to clarify, the Church teaches that homosexual tendencies are not sinful, as they are not always controllable. Homosexual acts, on the other hand, like all behavior, are within human control. There are many gay Mormons that abstain from homosexual acts, usually choosing abstinence, and are active members of the LDS faith.
4 Comments » Leave a comment
- Mark
4-15-2009, 03:02:32 AM
I was born and raised LDS, and I, myself, am not homosexual. I do have a few homosexual friends, though. The ones I know are loving, caring, kind, and altogether upright people.
This is one of the reasons I have trouble going to church. There are some people there who cast a hate-filled look at, and either ignore, or look down upon anyone who does not fit into their narrow-minded standards.
I have trouble believing that God would make homosexuals, and then deny them the right to be in love with anyone. After all, what's the point of living with someone for eternity if you don't love them, and what's the point of living in abstinence for your entire life because God apparently does not allow you to be in love?
Maybe someone can clarify this for me, because I am at a loss.
Webmaster Response. - Anonymous
7-7-2009, 08:34:17 AM
Hi Mark, just came across this blog and your comment. I'd love to share my feelings on your questions.
I completely agree with you--I have been to many wards where I felt that there was a mold that people are expected to fit. Even for me as a returned missionary who kind of does fit that mold, I find that completely off-putting. I have been to other wards where I found the opposite to be true--where people of all varieties are welcomed into the family. It has been my experience that those types of environments are more common in lower income areas. Just an observation.
I can certainly understand your second question--why would God make someone one way, and then punish them for that? However, because of my own weaknesses and tendencies, I feel that I have come to understand this a little better over time. I have never struggled with homosexual feelings before, but boy do I struggle with heterosexual ones! Even now that I am married to an unbelievably beautiful woman, I still feel strong tendencies toward images of other women. As I talk to bishops about it, I am told that those desires are natural and God-given, but that we must learn to control them.
And they are right. One of the great purposes in life is for our spirits to learn how to master our bodies. God designed this life as a way to accomplish that. So naturally, there are challenges. All people are born with weaknesses--tendencies to do things contrary to the commandments. Though it would be easy to mistake that for evidence that there is no loving God in heaven, I think it is actually evidence of his loving plan for us. He is providing us a training ground for us to become like him--and that's the whole reason we wanted to come down here from the premortal life in the first place.
God wants all the very best for us. He would never settle for robbing us of a chance at the most complete and sublime happiness. So he teaches us what the way is to achieve that (the plan of salvation, eternal families) and he provides the atonement for us to help cleanse us and change us and give us new life so we can walk that path with our full hearts. We may choose a lesser path at times and robs ourselves of that fullness of joy, but he will always offer us the very best.
Hope that makes sense. All the best, brother! - Anonymous
7-3-2010, 07:51:34 PM
Hi. I'm writing from my ipod... Please forgive the mistkes...
I'm an active mormon who has homosexual desires. I have been in the church for 15 years, served a mission a year after I joined and have been going strong even though I have asked myself wether or not I was able to live chaste and possibly never be in a relationship ever again.
It isn't something I was able to say yes to from the start. There was a time when I beleived that I could change my attractions and this has brought some important changes in my life. The therapy has helped me resolve many important issues and improved my relations with both men and women. I still don't know if I will ever reach the point where I will be able to add my voice to those who profess to have resolved their same-sex attractions in "a healthy manner", but I cannot deny what I know to be true and I beleive that God expects sexual relations to take place only between a man and a woman within the bounds of matrimony.
I have been far from perfect in dealing with my struggles with my attractions through the years but I beleive that my willingness to adhere to God's commandments has filled my life with a great amount of love. It is a tremendous blessing to have this Godsent love in my life. It changes the way I experience life and is a great source of joy and satisfaction for me. I may never experience the love that exists between a man and a woman in this life, but I have tasted what kind of love the Lord has for his children and quite frankly, whatever he decides is best for me in the end will be more than enough.
May our love for one another grow here on this earth untill that day where war and hatred will cease and we will be able to confide freely and honestly with oneanother and do all we can to help each other.
Press forward! Jammie
El Santo Gringo: Hi Jammie. I really appreciate your willingness to share your experience on my site. People who have left the church are so vocal; it's important that the view of faithful members like yourself be heard too.
Three things you said really stood out to me. First, I think your description of therapy was excellent. While some few people may be able to overcome homosexual desires through therapy, my impression is that most do not. However, that doesn't mean that therapy can't be helpful. If the goal is to abolish the desires, most will be disappointed, but if the goal is to work through issues and improve relationships, I think just about anyone can be helped.
Second, you mentioned that you have "been far from perfect in dealing with [your] struggles," and yet you continue to be a faithful member of the Church. So many people, both those who struggle with same-sex desire and those who don't, think that when a mistake is made, the only choice is to leave the church. I receive emails from these people all the time, and they need examples like you. I'm so happy that you have the wisdom to know that spiritual recovery can come through the atonement of Jesus Christ.
Finally, your description of God's love was so beautiful and eloquent. I loved your comments, Jammie. I think they'll help a lot of people. God bless you. - Caitlin
7-17-2010, 06:18:32 PM
No... Of course God does not hate gays. We are all his children and regardless of the choices we make he will stand by us with love, even though he may not think the choices we make are according to his word. I have several gay friends and family members. I do not think we shun them or look down upon them, and if I follow this course, then of course I become very accountable to God. My only sadness comes from them falling away from a God who cares for them and their not seeing it that way. We believe in the word of the Bible also, which also dictates our beliefs and works. We need to stop letting a few rude people offend us. There will always be someone who offends us in our lives. Work, school, friends, wherever we go. If I choose to fall away from the church which I love and hold dear to my heart, then I am missing out on my own salvation. We all have our own personal trials and tests. I know that for sure. My trials have not been easy, but I find a great comfort in knowing if I try to live according to Gods word, I may find peace and happiness in the word after this. He has promised us that.