Testimony of a "Gay" Mormon: My Desire to be Faithful to the Lord
By Anonymous - 2/12/2011
I've been a member since 2001. At that time I was taught about the law of chastity and God's plan for us, His children. A few months later I received my patriarchal blessing with great promises of eternal life, if I lived the gospel of Christ.
Many years before I learned about the church, I had already realized that I had a certain inclination. I suffered a lot because of the little jokes I heard from my schoolmates, on the street where I lived, and from relatives that criticized me in cruel ways, even though I was just a child. Only the Lord and I know how difficult it was for me, a mere child who didn't understand why people didn't like me.
... Thank goodness for my wonderful mother, who never did anything to hurt me, even when she saw everything that happened to me. She taught me about God and gave me good Christian teachings that have made me the person I am today. I questioned God many times, asking him why He would give me such a great challenge, even though I had always searched Him out and had always tried to live the way He'd like me to live. Did He really want me to live a righteous life? I asked Him many times to free me from this tendency. I continue to beg for His help even today.
When I first realized what was happening to me, I began to police myself to try to loose my feminine mannerisms. I couldn't stand any longer the mocking from schoolmates, people on the street, and some relatives. In 2001, when I got to know the Church through a neighbor, the members of the Church didn't see me as a “peroba,” the word some people where I live use to describe homosexuals. They saw me as a young man like all the others. Of course everyone could perceive my challenge, but they didn't discriminate against me. They treated me with love and respect. I started to go to Church activities, and within two months I entered the waters of baptism to become a member of the Church. My baptism took place after a seminary class, so many young people were there. A beautiful message was written on the black board for me, and the other young people became my friends, making me feel for the first time in my life that I belonged to a group. I had friends, true friends that helped me become the person I am today.
Some years later, when I turned 18 years old, I started to get ready for my mission. My patriarchal blessing made it clear that I should serve a full-time mission. As I prepared, I told my bishop about my inclination for the first time.
Describing my problems to him was the most difficult thing I've ever done.
At first, I couldn't get any words to come out of my mouth. Later I managed to explain what had afflicted me for so many years. My bishop was such a wise man, and he knew how to deal with this situation in a very loving way. I met the goals we set together and was called to serve in the Brazil Fortaleza mission. I spent two wonderful years serving the Lord.
I struggled daily to overcome my difficulties. I saw the hand of the Lord in my life and in the lives of the people we taught. The Lord manifested himself during my mission. I felt his His presence, even when I thought things were very difficult. In the happy moments, He was an invited guest to share in our joy.
After my mission, my life continued, and I continued to struggle with my difficulties, always asking the Father for His help.
I'm grateful to have served during these two years of my life. My testimony matured, and my life from that time forward has been strongly influenced by the experiences I had while on my mission. Today, the Lord knows that I know the restored gospel is true. I can't deny that truth.
I know that Satan wants to tear me down. My daily feelings remind me that he wants to make me eternally miserable. But I also know that God is our Heavily Father, and if I continue on the Lord's path, holding to the rod of Iron that Lehi described, I will not fall.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the Lord's church on the earth. I testify of this truth, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
