I am a 40-something single-parent, and I feel very drawn to the mormon church. I've been investigating on my own, and trying to come to terms with some of the doctrine that is not a part of the teachings of the Christian denomination that I am a member of, and was raised in. This website has helped, so thank you! I really value family, and love how the mormon church puts an emphasis on family values. Even though I haven't always made the best choices, I aspire to be better, and to guide my two daughters along a proper path. I just feel I don't fit into the predominate "demographic" of the church (I'm African-American for one, and raising my children alone). In addition, I do not want to confuse my children. They know their mom is a "seeker", but I don't want them to them their mother is frivolously "trying out" another religion. I almost feel like I should keep my yearnings to myself, at least for now... Any wisdom, especially from others from similar backgrounds and situations would be greatly appreciated!

Lynne from Cincinnati, 11/19/2009

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Webmaster from La Jolla, California:


Hi Lynne. I was very happy to receive your message. It thrills me to know that my site is helping sincere people like you. :) Thank you very much for your kind words. There's something really sacred about being a spiritual seeker. Even when one has already found the restored gospel of Christ, the search for greater understanding and greater unity with God should never end.

It may be true that an African American single mother does not fit the "primary demographic" of the church in the United States, though I've lived in places like northeastern Brazil where Caucasian Mormons are in the minority! :) Mormon demographics also vary a lot within the United States. The branch I attend now in San Diego, for example, is made up mostly of southeast Asians (Hmong).

I think it is true, though, that most wards are made up of a lot of Utah transplants that are predominantly Caucasian. Recent studies suggest that the demographics of the LDS Church are changing, however. We are already more racially diverse than most mainline Protestant denominations, for example. Most Mormons are very excited about these changes. Especially in a large city like Cincinnati, I bet you would not be the only African American in your congregation if you decided to join the church.

Here's a video the church recently produced that describes the changes that have been happening in the past 30 years. It really is an exciting time to be a latter-day saint!



As luck would have it, my wife is also an African American, and her experience in the church has been overwhelmingly positive. One of my best friends in the church is a single African American as well.

There are also plenty of single mothers in the church. One of the families I visit as a part-time pastor is headed by a single mother. One of the apostles of the church (kind of like a high-ranking cardinal in the Catholic church), named Dallin H. Oaks, was also raised in a single-mother household. He occasionally gives sermons describing his angel mother's noble efforts to raise him right. I think you are right that these member of the church do not represent the predominant demographic, but they are certainly valued members of our community just the same. ;)

I think it's wise that you're concerned about confusing your kids. I know children are often confused when their two parents practice different faiths, for example. In your case, though, perhaps you could present your church visit as a "cultural experience." You could explain to your children that there are many different kinds of people in the world, and that it is interesting to see how others worship God. I myself have visited many other churches for this very reason. It really is fascinating. ;) If you determine that the church is right for you and your family, we'd be very happy to have you join us. At the very least your visit could serve as an eye-opening cultural experience for your children.

Hopefully others will also respond to your question with their insights. I suggest that you visit with a Mormon missionary who can accompany you and answer your questions. You can request a missionary visit online. If you would like to just visit an LDS chapel without delay, you're certainly welcome to come unaccompanied. You can find the address of the chapel nearest your home online as well. If you do choose to visit without the missionaries, be sure to let people know you're visiting for the first time so they can help you.

If you have any additional questions, don't hesitate to contact me. I'd be happy to help in any way I can. May God bless you on your spiritual journey.

Would you like a free copy of The Restoration DVD?

Jonathan Mahoney from Nova Scotia, Canada:

I so exciting that you are seeking. There is so much to learn out there. My advice would be to diligently search the Book of Mormon and your soul. Pray to know what your should do and what is truth.

I admire you so much for acting on your yearnings. For what it's worth, I have a firm testimony in the restoration. God the Father and his son Jesus Christ truly did appear to the boy Joseph Smith. This is Christ's church restored in it's entirety. The Book of Mormon is the word of God, like the Bible.

God bless you sister. Love,

Jonathan Mahoney

Manaen

Welcome! You fit very well into our "demographic" -- we're children of God. More than half of the church's membership is outside of North America now, so it's difficult to define us more than that. FYI, including the 300k+ Mormons in Africa, the 1 million+ in Brazil, the 160k+ African-American Mormons in the US, and others in the Caribbean, somewhere between 1 in 20 and 1 in 10 Mormons globally are of black African descent.

This means that I should warn you about something: as Marguerite Driessen, an African-American mormon who is a lawyer and a Relief Society President, recently posted elsewhere,

You can travel the world and find LDS churches in nearly every corner of it. But you know what you won't find? You won't find a "black" LDS church anywhere. All latter-day saints worship together. We are one fold and we have one shepherd, and our head is Jesus Christ. That is Zion.

So if you come here, you better be ready to become one with all of us! Here's an example. It's a short video I made of our local church in southwest Los Angeles (Watts):



Here are some other links that may help:

ablackmormongirl.blogspot.com -- a sister in Utah journals her experiences as a Mormon.

www.sistasinzion.com -- a couple of black Mormon women in Utah with their insightful, humorous take.

Mormon couple and their adopted kids: reflectedmoments.blogspot.com/2008/05/sisters.html

Btw, this is a great place to raise healthy, happy children.

But, after everything else, we believe that "nobody can live on borrowed light." This means that we will share our beliefs with you, answer your questions, and then leave you to ask God what He would have you do. Follow him and you'll do the right thing. To paraphrase one of our recently-passed leaders, if you follow God, you'll end up where he is. This will include *knowing* that Jesus is our Savior and learning how to apply his atonement to heal all wounds.

I know this. About a decade and a half ago, Christ's atonement, as I received it here, saved my life and then healed my soul. I hope you find the same joy here I that I have.

I glory in plainness; I glory in truth; I glory in my Jesus, for he hath redeemed my soul from hell. -- 2 Nephi 33:6, The Book of Mormon
Pamela Dean from Clarenville:

Dear Sister, You may be surprised to learn that, worldwide, there are probably more non-Caucasians in the church these days than there are Caucasians.

On a personal note, I investigated the church for about 6 years before I became a member, and when I was baptized I didn`t tell anyone in my family. Six months later, my daughter chose to be baptized as well. That was what I felt was best for me. If you pray you will discover which route is best for your family.

As a single parent it can be lonely sometimes in our church. But the Lord has promised that we will have eternal blessings if we live righteously. To that end, I know of no other religious organization who tries to help its members find worthy spouses. A well-run single adult program, multi-stake singles activities, and the numerous not-affiliated-with-the-church LDS singles sites out there are all tremendous helps.

I wish you all the best during this time, and pray you will make the decision that is best for *you*... Your family will then see your example. Blessings...

Richard from Orem:

First off I'd like to testify that the LDS faith is the true and living church again restored on the earth by Christ himself through Joseph Smith and prophets of old including Peter, James, and John and John the Baptist... It is lead by Jesus still today and we have prophets just as in days of old. Like Moses, Abraham, Elijah, etc.

I always haven't made the best choices either in this life, but I knw that God is quick to forgive the truly repentant sinner, and he is also patient with mortals who desire to just do better, but struggle.

As per your daughters I would just pray over them for starters and do as James directs, if needed for your daughters, and "ask of God" for the wisdom you seek (see James 1:5)

As per the line of your question about keep(ing your) yearnings to myself, I'd recomend to keep investigating this church, even to the point of having missionaries over to answer your questions, as well as perhaps following the counsil from our latter-day prophets in holding family home evening with your daughters. That is, once a week, gather your family and talk about family issues, go over/read some scriptures, and just talk with your daughters and make sure you tell them you love them.

To end I just want to tell you God knows where you are at and the details for path ahead of you in this life, and the next. Counsil with Him always ans pray to him for help always too. I have found him always there, ready to help and give comfort if not counsel for my life. My road hasn't been all roses and no thorns but through His help I have been strengthened to endure those moments of thorns.

One step at a time in the correct direction, with him, and we'll all end up in the correct place with Him in the very end. God bless you, we all need it.

Anonymous from Los Gatos:

I suggest contacting the missionaries. The missionaries are there to teach but also to hold your hand through any obstacles that you have. Their greatest desire is to stand by and support you. They can clear your path and even work with your family if you like. This is what they are there for. They are a super support both spiritualy and temporaly.

Lynne from Cincinnati:

Qi would like to offer my sincere thanks to all who provided their viewpoints, resources, and encouragement! The links to websites and blogs were especially helpful, as were the videos. I believe I will contact the missionaries, though this is a big step for me. I spoke about it with my older daughter (who isn't a little one--she is 20--and she is interested in visiting the mormon meetinghouse closest to us (which she would pass everyday on the way to high school). I think I will take the advice of the webmaster and present this to my 11-year-old as a cultural opportunity. She is very in tune with God and spiritual matters, and I think she would be open to this experience. In addition, she has a friend who is mormon, whom she likes and respects. I think we might even see her at church if we go!

Again, thanks to all of you for your heartfelt responses. May God bless you all.
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