Hi there, Ive found you through google; My current situation is this:

Me and my wife were married 3. 5 years ago, not in the temple due to me recently (then) going back to church; we worked towards the temple and got there a year later for our temple sealing. Things were fine for about a year then I discovered my wife had started reading anti mormon literature. This occured because friends of ours left the church, and she wanted to know why. It has continued for the past year and she has begun speaking online with other people she knows who have gone because of the same literature. It has taken an immense toll on our marriage as this has become her absolute focus. Things came to a head on the weekend just past and we have a new resolved to give up the literature. She still doesnt want anything to do with the gospel or the members which hurts, Im happy for her to do whatever she needs to to keep peace in her heart and mind, I was just wondering is there a way back after this? I love my wife and will do whatever it takes. Also we think she has become addicted to reading the information so whatever help you can offer would be appreciated :)

Anonymous, 1/21/2012

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El Santo Gringo from La Jolla, California:




Hi brother. I'm very sorry to hear that your marriage is struggling. I've known other marriages that have been similarly damaged by anti-mormon literature. Unforutnately, we live in a very conspiratorial society. People tend to assume the worse about individuals, organizations, government officials, and even churches. You and I know that anti-Mormons are experts at presenting Mormon history through an entirely inaccurate or, at the very least, an thoroughly distorted lens. Some unfortunately don't perceive their dishonest tactics and see a conspiracy where there is none. These are convinced that there is something nefarious behind the LDS Church despite the fact that any objective person can easily see that Mormonism has been and continues to be an incredible force for good in the world.

I think the key at this point is to help your wife return to the church where she can feel the spirit and begin anew the process of conversion. Perhaps you could help her realize that there are tremendous benefits to church attendance and participation that go beyond the spiritual. The following pages might help:

The Secular Benefits of Mormonism

What if I lost my testimony?

How to Stay in the LDS Church After a Major Trial of Faith

Help your wife know that she doesn't have to have a perfect testimony of the restored gospel to be a Mormon. We're all at different places on our spiritual journey; we're all trying to gain or strengthen our testimonies of the various gospel principles and practices.

Hopefully, if you can just get your wife to come to church regularly, she'll have the spiritual experiences needed to develop a stronger faith. Aside from attending church, your wife can also benefit from your example in the home. Never give up praying with her. Try to have family home evenings and regular scripture study with her if possible. Don't ever stop trying. Even if you're unable to reach her, God will bless you for your righteous efforts. Best of luck to you, brother. I'll pray for you.

Michael from Fort Worth:


Hi Anonymous, I too have a spouse who began reading Anti-mormon literature. She eventually left the Church and became Catholic. At that point she even felt like it was her duty to divorce me so that our children could be raised Catholic.

The most important thing that I did and continue to do, that has preserved our marriage, is to always return kindness and love, no matter the unkind and angry words she may speak. If she wants to discuss the Anti-mormon topics, I try to let her express her ideas and her feelings about them. If she is not angry I try to express my feelings about the topics. I found quickly that any anger on my part caused the Spirit to leave and caused pain between us. I agreed to let the children be Catholic as long as she let them be LDS too.

It has been 12 years since she left the Church. Our children have told her over the last several years that they only want to be LDS. This has been painful for her; the children (and I) had spoken to her a number of times to reassure her of their love and to express their gratitude for her.

At one time a few years ago, our son found some of her Anti-mormon literature and told me he was going to destroy it. I told him not to; that the Spirit had already told me to leave it and that one day she would destroy it. I noticed recently that the literature is gone. She has softened somewhat, going to Church with us a few times a year. We read from the Bible together as a family. We have peace at home.

Jeff from Lafayette, Indiana, USA:


I second all that the others have posted, but I would also recommend that you purchase the book *Shaken Faith Syndrome*, by Michael Ash. It's available on Amazon, or you can always check at your local library. (If they don't have it, ask for it!) :-) It's an amazing help for those struggling with their testimonies.

The first section of the book goes through about ten different logical fallacies that people—whether antis or their victims—espouse. The second and third sections builds on that understanding and responds to a dozen or so common criticisms. Taken together, it's an amazing tool for helping people understand why so many logical-sounding criticisms really aren't so logical, when you break them down.

Other good source is the FAIR wiki. It's basically a bunch of Church members who got sick of answering the same tired, old questions over and over again, and posted them all in a centralized location. It's a bit hard to navigate, but there‘s some great stuff there.

The bottom line is that while love is the ultimate way to help your wife, it's probably not going to fix everything. Her exposure to that kind of literature could ultimately be a strengthening experience, but only if she studies *both* sides of the story instead of taking the critical (and mostly straw-man) arguments at face value.

Good luck, and God bless!:-)

Jab from Shallotte, North Carolina, United States:


I am sorry to hear about your wife's struggles with anti-mormon literature. It is human nature (not always a bad thing) to want to explore what we may not understand or what we have been oblivious to in the past. A couple of years ago I too began researching some things about the church that, at first, made me feel uncomfortable. The more I read this anti-mormon material, the more upset I got. It got to a point that I even stopped going to church and living some of the church teachings. I became very discouraged because my entire life had revolved around the church and its teachings. I was to the point of ending it all when my prayers were finally answered. I was led to several websites that explained, very simply, some of the things that I was struggling with. I know that Heavenly Father guided me there. I can honestly say that my testimony is so much stronger now than it was before. I don't think it is necessarily bad to hear or read all anti-mormon material. What I do think one should NOT do is rely solely on the anti-mormon perspective without researching the sources and facts. Anti-mormon material most often will put a negative spin on whatever it talks about. It is made to sound authoritative and legitimate, when many times it leaves out the whole story. I recommend helping your wife understand the specific issues that she is struggling with through diligent study and prayer. Some great places to start are: Fairlds.org, Jefflindsay.com, lightplanet.com

Anonymous:


Love her back to activity. Do not pressure her. Read and study scriptures. Attend church and be an example of the things that Christ teaches. Pray for her and petition the Lord for his help. Charity and Love is the key. She will understand how important it is to you if you stay on course and hold on the Iron rod. God be with you.
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