I have been married for 12 years. 4 years ago I asked my husband to move out. I have not been happy and still not happy. He didn’t move out and things have stayed the same. I had told him my concerns. After a while, I met someone and started a friendship. And after a couple of years it had developed into something else. My husband still doesn’t know. Sometimes I think how could he not pay attention to me to not notice the changes. It kills me to think of how far I have come. I long to be the person that I was and have the blessings of the church gives me. I never wanted to hurt my family. I am so happy with my friend. I would sacrifice that to be able to have this eternal family even though I don’t connect with my husband. When I go to the bishop to repent, will he tell my husband? Will I be giving up my soulmate, just to loose my family too? Someone please help me.

Anonymous from Provo, Utah, United States,



3 Responses to “I have been married for 12 years. 4 years ago I asked my hus…”


Anonymous
April 1, 2012

I am truly sorry about your marriage but having an affair is not the answer, it is a sin. The affair feels good because he is giving you something that you want and your husband is not, your husband should be ashamed. Marriage is Gods first institution, if your husband not doing something it does not give you the right to sin, this goes both ways. You need to stop the affair ask God for forgiveness and read your Bible and pray that not only God gives you direction but also that he gives your husband a restless heart about the situation so that he knows what and how he is treating you is wrong and not what the Bible teaches how as husband should treat a wife. You also need to tell your husband about the affair but I suggest you tell your pastor first then have you and your paster tell your husband. I hope this helps and I pray for you.

Anonymous
April 6, 2012

From what you say, it sounds like you are in a situation that involves adultery, and even if you do not (to use your words, ) connect with your husband, you are answering your question yourself: “I would sacrifice that to be able to have this eternal family.” Although you are happy with your friend, you want something else, and you are willing to pursue it. Sounds like in your heart you are already repenting, and weighing the fact that your present happiness does not and cannot compare with what an eternal family will give you. I am assuming that you have children also.

When you speak to your bishop, he will not tell your husband — that is not the standard procedure. Your bishop most likely will help you and work with you through your process of repenting and will let you know that for your repentance to be full, and effective, you will have to confess your transgressions to your husband. There is no other way… This will not be easy, but will be worth it, if your husband can seek his heart and bear his part of the responsibility in what has happened in your marriage. He will forgive you, if he follows the example of Jesus Christ. There is nothing that cannot be made whole, through Him, and through repentance. Your husband will help you bear the burden you carry. He will recognize that the lack of connection between you two is also in part his responsibility and he will work with you in putting things back where they should be. This may indeed be the way to mend your marriage’s troubles… A wake up call for both him and you to keep close to each other and serve each other, he as a Priesthood holder, father and husband, you as his companion, wife, mother.

Do not lose hope. Above all, trust Christ’s Love, and your Heavenly Father’s love for you and your family. If you repent and do what is in your power to mend your ways, He will be with you and carry you the rest of the way, when you feel that you have reached your limit, He will be by your side. Charity never faileth. The pure Love of Christ will comfort you. Christ atoned for our sins, and He made it clear, that when a person repents, He will remember them no more.

I pray you may find peace and comfort in Him, and I am certain your bishop will help you. It is his calling to support you.

One last word, however: we are all human, and although Heavenly Father never challenges us with what we cannot bear and face, forget not, I pray, that your bishop, your husband, etc. , are also human and may or may not be able to respond to your needs fully, as you wish, or not all at once. It is a process. You will need as your husband will need patience, a broken heart and a contrite spirit, and to rely on prayer and on his faith to support you. This said, I would suggest that you do not delay the process of repentance any longer, and chose the straight and narrow path your heart is pointing out for you: your desire to have the blessings you once enjoyed, and your desire to have an Eternal Family.

I will keep you in my prayers.

May God bless you, your husband, and your family, and inspire your bishop to support you through this process.

Marie
April 15, 2012

I have always felt the best marriage is the one you are having with your spouse. Have a affair with your spouse go on dates with them! If you feel your needs are not being met ask for them! After all you fell in love with the person in the first place. Marriage is a active commitment. Prayers your way and stay close to the Lord and his Church they will see you through this.

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