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Testimony of a Gay Historical Researcher
by Anonymous
1 Comment » Leave a comment
- El Santo Gringo
4-25-2010, 11:49:25 PM
Hi friend. Thanks for your recent testimony. Your description of feeling God's spirit was so eloquent and so beautiful. I sincerely thank you for sharing that.
First, I wanted to commend you for your interest in Mormon history. I've also spent a lot of time researching the history of the LDS Church over the past few years. The purpose of the Church is to help people come to Christ, and the Church sometimes draws upon stories from its own history to further that mission, just as most denominations do. Consequently, most members are familiar with the excellent faith-promoting stories from our history. Some members are surprised, however, to learn that the Mormon pioneers were not perfect, or that leaders of the Church, both past and present, were/are not perfect. The situation is complicated further by the misinformation spread on the internet about Mormon history; as I'm sure you've come to realize, many anti-Mormons purposefully cast every event in Church history in the worst possible light and sometimes even misrepresents those events entirely.
When I look back on my own life, I realize that I am far from a perfect person. And yet, I have no doubt that God has guided me. I've felt His influence many times, just as you have. Somehow, despite my imperfections, I've been the beneficiary of divine, personal revelation. If God is able to communicate with me despite my imperfections, why would I demand that Joseph Smith or Brigham Young be perfect people? Why would I demand that any member of the Church, past or present, be perfect? Just because people are imperfect does not mean that their righteous efforts aren't noble, and it does not mean that God can't work through them. When I realize that God has been able to accomplish His marvelous work and a wonder through the hands of imperfect men and women, it gives me hope that He'll be able to realize a marvelous work and a wonder in my own life, despite my imperfections. Thus, even the parts of Church history that are less faith-promoting can be faith-promoting if seen through the correct lens. I've written more about this topic in an article entitled "Church History is Threatening my Testimony," which you might find interesting. You may also wish to read “I Don't Have a Testimony of the History of the Church,” an excellent article written by the prominent Mormon historian Davis Bitton.
The second issue you brought up is homosexuality and the Church. This is a topic to which I had given little thought before starting this website. In the past few years, however, as I've received messages from many gay Mormons, I've had the opportunity to study the Church's official teachings on this matter and to ponder the issue personally. I wanted to call your attention to an article I recently wrote entitled “Heroic Faith: Gay Mormons,” which you may find helpful.
I thought it was interesting when you described feeling God's spirit as being “unlike any good feeling I have ever gotten in my life.” I want you to know that there is a place for you in the Church, and that you can feel these sacred feelings regularly in your life if you keep God's commandments. Ironically, homosexual feelings, which if acted upon can lead you away from God, can serve to sanctify and purify you if you symbolically place them on the sacrificial altar and, as Lamoni once said, “give away all [your] sins to know [God].” The spiritual peace that comes from giving away our sins and consistently getting up when we spiritually fall is worth any personal price we have to pay. God bless you.