I feel so lost. I love the gospel and the church. I served a mission and have served in many callings. I've had girlfriends in the church and am seen as the kind of young man that is an example. Women find me attractive, but I've carried a terrible burden for some years now. I'm feel attracted to other men. My parents once caught me in a personal situation with another man. They made it very clear to me that they would not have a son with those characteristics. They seem to have forgotten about the episode since then, because they deny it ever happened. I've thought a lot about suicide, though I know the church teaches it is a sin. Just the same, I think about it a lot and I don't know what to do. The thing is, I'm attracted to women too, just like I like men. I dream of a marriage and children. This sin was never in my plans, and I feel like it's killing me. Before this single episode I never did anything, but when I was younger children always teased me, saying I was “delicate. ” I think this childhood suffering made me become the way I am. I know what you're going to tell me. You're going to tell me to talk to my branch president. However, based on past experience I'm afraid I can't trust that my sins will be kept confidential. I'm sorry to have taken up so much time, but I found this site, and I can't talk about these things with anyone. Please help me.

Francisco from Chile, 7/19/2010

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El Santo Gringo from La Jolla, California:




Hi Francisco. I'm happy you posted your story on my site. I'm very sorry that you suffered so much as a child and with your parents. In discussing homosexuality, Elder Holland once said, “Open communication between parents and children is a clear expression of love, and pure love, generously expressed, can transform family ties…” It's unfortunate that your parents are ignoring this problem. They could really help you.

I'm also very concerned that you've thought about suicide. I'm happy that the Church's teachings have kept you from acting on those thoughts, but to even have them is concerning. Studies have shown that those with same-sex attraction have an increased chance of suffering from depression. If you are thinking about suicide, I want you to get the professional help you need right away. Please set up an appointment with a psychologist. There are treatments that can help you feel better.

I also want you to know that you're not alone. I often receive emails from people who struggle with homosexuality and bisexuality. Just today I answered an email from a man who struggles with same-sex desires. He described his great love of God and how he repented of his sins. He still has homosexual desires, but he doesn't act on them. This faithful member of the Church recognizes that he didn't choose his desires, and where there is no choice, there is no sin. We only sin when we choose to act contrary to God's will.

Feeling same-sex desire is not a sin, but cultivating that desire or acting on it is. Since you did act on your desire, you need to confess. Perhaps you could explain your concerns about confidentiality to your Stake President and confess to him. You are correct in thinking that confessions should always be private, not public. Many people feel ashamed or afraid to confess their sins, but you know in your heart that confession will bring you the spiritual peace you so desperately need. Thanks to the miracle of Christ's atonement, even serious sins can be forgiven. I love the beautiful words of Isaiah when he said that sins as red as scarlet can be made as white as snow.

It's fortunate that you are also attracted to women. Once you complete the repentance process, perhaps you'll find a young woman to marry. Look for a young lady who will understand your challenges and help you resist temptation. You'll never want to betray your loving wife. She's a daughter of God who deserves the best you can give her.

I know things seem terrible right now, but your life can get better. Apply Christ's atonement by confessing and repenting of your sins. When you complete the repentance process, you'll feel a tremendous burden lifted off your shoulders. No blessing is greater than the miracle of forgiveness. Best of luck to you.

Grandpa Chet from Brownsville:


An LDS friend of mine is gay, and does not act on this temptation. As he explained it to me, we each have the same sort of temptation. Straight people are tempted with the blatant sexuality and pornography that the world deems "normal." Gay people are tempted with the blatant sexuality and pornography that the world deems "normal." He's been married to the same wonderful woman for decades now. They have some wonderful children. Though he has this temptation (i.e. - "the natural man" whom we all have) he overcomes it with the love of Jesus Christ and his immense love for his wife. Sometimes we don't realize that we may each be different - some of us, significantly so - but we're all in the same boat.
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