Me and my fiance are members of the church, we live together, share a bed and go about our lives together. We have been together since we were 16 and have always stayed true to each other we just feel right when we are together. Now we have both been inactive for about 5 years and We have actually not broken the law of chastity, no heavy petting or obscene kissing. This seems to shock people and they usually brush me saying i’m lying but the truth is I do not care for Sex. I do not crave for it or lust after it like many do. I have talked with my doctor and its not for lack of a drive I just do not want it and neither does he. We have talked about it in depth together are feel once we are married and ready we will try for a family but as for now We enjoy our relationship as is. Simple kisses to say hello/goodbye and holding hands when we are out along with other such simplistic things. We have both seen each other naked as we share a home and do share bed though. My question is we have been thinking about going back to church but are fearful due to us sharing a home. We will be married in a few years but as is we are happily engaged. We had heard that sharing a home for members unmarried is a great sin worthy of excommunication and we do not want this.. I guess we just want to know what we are supposed to do. We do not have the means to separate and get our own places, we are able to have a nice life as we do it as a team.

Anonymous,



One Response to “Me and my fiance are members of the church, we live…”


Felipe Santana
2016-05-29 22:30:33


Chastity: What are the limits?
Hi sister. It sounds like you and your fiancé might be heteroromantic asexuals. I've met others in your same situation and believe you when you say that the two of you haven't had sex.

It's not ideal when men and women are roommates, regardless of romantic intent. I don't recommend it. But I do know members of the church who live with roommates of the opposite sex. It will probably depend on your bishop and the revelation he'll receive from God to help you.

To be clear, though, if you've seen each other naked, that is a sin. It's also not appropriate that you share a bed.

I recommend the following:

1) Ask yourself why the two of you cant get married right away. That would be an obvious solution to your problem. If you're certain it will happen eventually, why not now?

2) If you decide not to marry now, you need to set up some better boundaries if you're going to keep living together. That means separate beds in separate rooms. That means avoiding being naked in front of each other at all costs.

3) Then go to your bishop and explain your desire to come back to the church. Tell him about the boundaries you've established (different bedrooms, privacy, etc.). Confess the mistakes you've made and ask for his help.

I hope this answer helps! This church can bless you both as individuals and as a future family. I'm excited that you plan to take the important step of coming back to the church! Let me know how it goes.

All the best.

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